I was happy with myself until yesterday. Something happened yesterday that radically changed my perception of reality. I became thoroughly dissatisfied with myself. The message of dissatisfaction was delivered while shopping for new dress shirts. To make the matters worse, my wife delivered the message.
We were shopping the clearance section of Kohl’s. I love getting $60 shirts for $10. So I wait for the shirts to go on sale at the end of the season and swoop in and buy up 3-4 shirts for the price of one shirt. Well, I was struggling to find 2XLT shirts for the price I wanted. Picked up a 3XLT shirt and my wife said “That looks too big.” But I decided to try it on. She then added, “If you don’t make changes this will be your new size.” And then the hammer dropped. The 3XLT shirt fit. I am now wearing 3XLT shirts.
3 Short years ago I lost 50lbs and dropped to a plain XLT. I felt fabulous. I was energetic and confident. But over time I let my healthy habits slip. So I rationalized my health and behavior. I was not happy with my health, but I was not thoroughly dissatisfied with myself. I was OK and content.
Contentment resists change. Contentment is the enemy of change. While I thought I was OK nothing would change. When I crossed the line into 3XL I crossed an imaginary barrier that meant to me I have a problem. I have never been this large. All along the way I have ignored the signs that should have led to massive dissatisfaction. Everyone has their own list – this is mine:
- My doctor told me to lose 50lbs
- My wife told me she is worried about me
- I struggle to go up 2 flights of stairs without puffing
- I am considered pre-diabetic
- My older brother had a diabetic episode (his first) where he blacked out and spent a few days in the hospital
- I could not button the top button on my dress shirts
- I had to buy new pants
- The “fat pants” I bought 4 years ago fit again
- The new pants I bought when I lost weight are now in my bottom dresser drawer waiting for me to lose weight
- I am tired all the time
- When I went to an amusement park they had to have two people strap me into a roller coaster and push down on the lap bar (hard) to get it to click. (This was actually a sign I felt very bad about it, but did nothing).
- I wear a shit when swimming
- I snore more and my wife complains about it more
- My knees hurt
- My back hurts
- I feel less confident
- I am often the biggest person in the room
Why am I saying all this? People change for pain or pleasure. For the last three years I lived in mediocrity. Since change in lifestyle is difficult to start and not pleasurable I accepted the pain and made excuses. My list above is a reminder that I really am dissatisfied and the pain I am causing myself by not changing is very real.
I am embracing my pain. I am embracing my dissatisfaction. I am getting real with myself. I am unhappy. I am in pain. I am dissatisfied with my life and I am am doing something about it.
Dissatisfaction propels people into action. My first action will dedicate myself to get more sleep. I often get 6 or even 4 hours of sleep a night. This makes me unable to do anything else. No workouts, no healthy eating, nothing. Without sleep I am worthless and powerless to act. I will keep you updated on my quest for more sleep. I imagine if I can get my sleep under control I will be able to make more gains quicker. Small steps lead to success.
What are you dissatisfied with and what action will you take?